You are as funny as you think you are.

I went to a local improv show last night, I think for the fifth time in the last six months. Perhaps I am seeking inspiration? I turn 40 in roughly 100 days or so and as many of you know I have been declaring for several years now that by the time I turn 40 I will have attempted stand up comedy. Mind you I have no desire to do this as a regular gig, I by no means expect to necessarily be good at it and frankly am not altogether sure why I started saying that I would do it but I think I just might go through with it. I believe that I have purposely told a lot of people about it so I'll feel more uncomfortable not doing it then I will find fear in doing it. I am fine with disappointing myself (I do that all the time) but I'm not overly fond of disappointing others and in fact pride myself on being reliable and trustworthy. So as the day draws nearer (I've said I would do it by the time I am 40 not necessarily when I turn 40 and of course procrastinator that I am I will no doubt hold out until the very last minute) I am starting to feel that I am walking on a beam that borders both panic and excitement.

The act of performing isn't necessarily my biggest fear. I have done a fair amount of public speaking by talking to the press as an activist and I have been interviewed on the radio more times than I can count. I did two local cable TV shows (one was literally just 20 minutes of a close up of my face talking about the fur industry--the next day after viewing that show I went out and got bangs as my forehead seemed way too pronounced) and the second was on a show where I was sitting in between a guy dressed as a butcher and another dressed as a pig. I also took two improv classes where our final project was to perform with the comedy troupe, on stage in front of a crowd. I have done numerous presentations in front of people for work as well, so standing up in front of people may not necessarily be my favorite thing in the world but it certainly isn't the drama for me that it is for most people.

I suspect the biggest motivator and fear producing element for me about trying stand up is the writing (public speaking about an ethical issue is a much easier task than expecting people to listen to you just because you think you are funny). I love telling stories (a blog for someone like me is candy), I love pointing out the absurdities of life and I like making people laugh. So since I don't have my own radio show I guess I am forced to try my hand at comedy. Time and time again I think of things that would make great comedic material and think "I should write this down!" But it isn't always convenient to whip out a pen and pencil and start writing something down while you are in the middle of a pap smear with your gynecologist. So then I got a little portable tape recorder from my mom (she used it to tape and receive messages from my brother when he was a Marine in the "first" gulf war) thinking I would carry it around with me to record my brilliant revelations as they occurred. Problem is you have a tendency to get stared at when you are in your cubicle at work whispering into a handheld recording device and on the bus there is too much risk that the person sitting next to you will be so inspired by your humor that they might steal your jokes and perform stand up themselves. So I try to just remember funny things and then write them down when I can. This has led to me losing a bunch of my material, both because by the time I can write them down, for the life of me I can't remember what I thought was so funny and secondly because little Post-It notes have a tendency to stick themselves to things they shouldn't.

My point in bringing this all up is to give you fair notice that I am indeed giving serious thought of going through with my intention. I don't necessarily know where or when or in what format (Maybe I'll just film myself and post it on You Tube? Maybe I'll rent out a theater for my five minutes of fame? Maybe I'll make you all pledge money to a particular charity like a telethon and perform one minute of comedy for every $100 raised? Maybe I'll sneak off on a Wednesday night alone and take advantage of a 3 minute open mike spot at a biker bar on 82nd?). Who knows where it'll happen, or in fact if it'll happen but consider yourself warned that I am looking for material so if I am out with you and I suddenly whip out a pad of paper and start scribbling notes or if I duck under the table and start talking into a recorder you can be assured that it is just research, I haven't lost my mind. Or maybe I have.